WMP
The sound on my WMP was not on. Once I put that on, I could listen to last week's wonderful sermon. Tomorrow evening I have a wedding to attend and I have to work on Sunday, so J-House will be my church once again. Chances are I will not go to my mom's family thing. They can either drop me or I will walk and have to change shirts next week, since I am supposed to greet.
Today
I am a better mood, for last night God revealed to me, that what was thought of me by my family was more important than what God thought of me during small group last night. I guess I should expect the affirmation right now from God rather than people.
On another note, I am frustrated because I can't download last week's sermon on my computer. I guess I will have to buy two cds before or after J-House on Sunday night, since I have a wedding to attend and then I have to work on Sunday. I could go to my family's thing next week but unless things work out I am not going to plan it. I don't want to miss main service next week weekend. If I don't have work, I don't want to show my face up at the Skinner gathering.
Who Can I Trust
I don't know who to trust. I want help, but I don't someone who is more concerned about the frikkin stats as was the case with Beth. Beth could have cared less.
At times I wonder why the hell I am on this earth. Especially after being around my family. I love my relatives, but I feel like such an effin screw up. I hope I get a good job and something that won't make me feel like a screw up w/i next month and half. Otherwise I might as well be dead.
What use do I have on this earth?
I AM A DAMN SCREWUP! HELP ME!
I wish I did not get sick this week.
Should I?
Should I give a flip about what people think about me? I can't help the fact I have struggled with incredible stuff. I know I damn well don't have the affirmation I would like. I don't deserve it. It is a wonder God actually cares, yet I know he cares and I know I have to trust him.
Why the hell is my life so damb crazy?
Why? Damn it for Being Sick
Why did I get a bit of something to prevent me from doing things I should have done. I hope I get work soon. I feel rather guilty for not doing what I should have done.
Baptists and Alcohol
I am glad I am not a Baptist. Granted there are wonderful Baptists. I grew up in a Baptist Church where the people are wonderful. The church I grew up in, is too reserved when it comes to expressing themselves in worship.
I just finished reading the SBC new constitutional proposal.. I have an issue when a church tells people they can't enjoy a beer, a glass of wine or a cocktail every now and then if they desire to serve in the church. In Germany I hear pastors see coke as harmful to the body while a beer is okay. Abusing alcohol is bad. The message of Christ is not impeded because a leader chooses to enjoy an alcohol beverage every now and then. There are truly bigger fish to fry.
Some Pentecostal denominations are rather strict about this issue as well from what I have heard.
Sick
Since yesterday, I have not been feeling the greatest. I am going to try to go to job club. My arms are cold. Last night I was hot than cold. I was thinking maybe I was deathly ill and this was my chance to die and go to heaven. That might have been nice, since I feel like a screw up. What good will my poems show? I can't seem to find a frikkin job. Maybe I ought to get ready to see all the saints who have gone before me.
Then again I took ibuprofen and Dayquill. I am coughing. I still have a few chills. Maybe it was just from wearing jeans, a polo and light jacket the other night. That should have been sufficient. Anyway, I will see how I feel later.
Marsha
